Her Memoirs

Sometimes life really is like Pandora’s box. You know, a bunch of horrible shit happens, but in the end, you still carry that little bit of hope in your pocket. But then there’s also the self-fulfilling prophesy or whatever it’s called in Psychology — you feel like you’re going to have bad luck and whoa! you only notice all the bad luck going on in your life. Let’s explore this hitting rock bottom thing for a bit.

If you have read Life of Pi by Yann Martel, you might know what I am about to refer to. Pi Patel is stuck on a lifeboat with what he thought was a dying zebra, an orangutan and a hyena. The hyena kills the zebra off, eating it, but the orangutan escapes on floating bananas. Just when Pi thinks that he will be the hyena’s next meal, he realizes that Richard Parker, the tiger that lived in the zoo his family owned, was also on the boat. Pi there reaches rock bottom — his life has gotten to the point of suckiness that he comes up with plans to keep himself surviving. It’s not really hope, perse, but it’s beyond giving up…it’s like you’re waiting for something.

I’m not going to compare my life to Pi’s allegory or whatever really happened to him in that book, but seriously, things have not been…fantastic. My hands are still kind of shaking as I type this and I still can’t fucking stay asleep. You haven’t realized how precious sleep is — I’ve really been taking sleep for granted. Have you woken up night after night so uncomfortable? You can’t for the life of you get back to sleep. You get up and drink a glass of water, then get back in bed, tossing and turning for another 30 minutes. That was my life for the past 2 and a half weeks. Every single night. And that’s not even all of it.

I need to stop being so dumb and overly compensating for the dumbness by talking too much which only somehow enhances my stupidity. I need to find a job for the summer. And for serious, I need wagon wheels with axles.

Here’s to better days and sleepful nights.