On Thanksgiving, I had a nice walk with my friend Arwen and her family. I didn’t have to think about where exactly I was going or how long we were walking. Just one leg up, one leg down, very zen.
The word zen has been popping up in my head a lot recently. In the OED, “reminiscent or characteristic of Zen; calm, meditative.” Over break, I was mostly alone in 14C, eating quesadillas and munching on cookies, watching TV shows on my laptop. It was so easy to get lost in that comfort, thinking that I needed no one else but myself.
During the walk, Arwen and others frequently asked, “Are you okay?” if a leg sank a little lower in the dirt than it should. Then I started asking it too. It was nice to know, also, that we wouldn’t get lost. If we did, there were four adults.
I don’t know if I am calm. I don’t think I’m zen at all. I often make myself look silly with weird noises or asking awkward questions. There can’t be silence. If there is, I’d hide inside myself and get lost in my own mind. One second I’m with you and the next, a dazed look on my face and I’m thinking about myself.
I am selfish. I think about myself way too much. It’s nice to know there are people to pull me out of there once in a while. This is just a little apology in case I have ever asked you an inappropriate question.
Dammit, I just deleted wordpress a few days ago and now I realize it’s the best thing for blogging. I want something more like yours. You should
Her name is Arwen? Dude, she must have the coolest parents.
I forgive you, selfish person, I forgive you.
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